Minions i/c Food under DrPlokta Global Dictator's Journal|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in
Minions i/c Food under DrPlokta Global Dictator's LiveJournal:
|Friday, March 4th, 2005|
Extensive potato legislation (including minimum requirements for fats and oils)
The Potato - classification and preparation for sale, regulation of
To be labelled with the term "potato" the tuber for sale must satisfy the following conditions:
- It must be from a recognised variety. The generic terms "white" "baking" or "new" are banned from appearing on a packet with the word potato.
- It must be unwashed before packaging. Unwashed potatoes last longer in storage and have a better flavour. It also means that children can start to associate potatoes with their place of origin.
- It must be packaged in a natural material such as paper or sacking. It may be sold loose with plastic bags nearby but the office of the minion i/c Potatoes expects consumers to remove potatoes from such packaging as soon as they get home or she'll be sending the lads round.
Tubers not satisfying these conditions will henceforth be labelled "fauxtatoes" and stored well away from the pure potato stock.Potato productsChips
Chips are defined as "potatoes, peeled and cut into a rectangle at least 1.5 cm wide and deep fried (twice) in lard/sunflower oil or other fat that will not spoil at high temperature." Crinkle cut chips are allowed as long as the mean width is above the legal minimum.Fries
Crap chips. This includes:
Chips less than 1.5 cm in width, anything made with reconstituted potato, anything that comes pre-seasoned, anything that is frozen to be microwaved, anything sold in a fast food restaurant. Establishments selling "fries" must offer a recognised real chip alternative at twice the portion size and half the price. Salt and vinegar must be freely available.Oven Chips
The minion i/c Potatoes may not like them but recognises their importance to the potato-eating public. They are still permitted to be sold but must have half their packaging devoted to a warning on burnt/hard/soggy ratios in the packet. The minion i/c Potatoes would like to point out you can make your own oven chips and they are a lot nicer.Wedges
Oven Chips with skin on.Miscellaneous frozen potato products
Relabelled fauxtato waffles/croquettes/smiley faces. Only sold in combination with a packet of potatoes and a booklet of instructions on boiling, mashing and roasting potatoes. The exception to this is hash browns to tie-in with breakfast legislation.Prepared fresh potato products
Banned. I'm sorry. If you haven't time to spend peeling and cooking the potatoes properly you'll have to make do with a nice side salad or some noodles. Or move to Vanuatu.Instant potato
Possession is henceforth punishable by deep frying. Twice.
Chocolate - Gin and Tonic
Let it hereby be known that there will now not only be a full description, on the chocolate, of how the chocolate tastes and melts in your mouth.
There will also be:
A bench mark of Green and Black's
quality for any chocolate.
Full disclosure of effort into chocolate making
Full disclosure as to the ingredients
No allowances for bugs in chocolate
That any gift of chocolate should be shiny coded, that the better the chocolate the shinier and nicer the wrapping in which it is packaged. This will allow people who at easter that want to give out inferior chocolate products can do so but will be advertising the fact when handing over said chocolate.
So that no chocolate lover will have to experience the unfortunate after taste of bad chocolate ever again.
Oh and yogurette is not banned, but it does have a detailed warning label on it .
I should add that it is now compulsory for all licenced premises to serve at least three kinds of gin and decent, non-diet, tonic. Current Mood: pleased
|Thursday, March 3rd, 2005|
In my capacity as Minion i/c Bagels, here are my pronouncements:
Canonical acceptable bagel flavorings are garlic, salt, onion, and poppy. (I am currently accepting bribes to possibly add sesame to this list.) Mixed pumpernickel/white bagels are acceptable. Fancy shmancy toppings like jalapeno are strictly forbidden. Under no circumstances should any bagel ever contain fruit.
The things you are allowed to have on top of a bagel are butter, cream cheese, lox or, in extremis, nova. The cream cheese may be plain or chive. As with bagels, the cream cheese may not have any fruit in it. Bagels may be eaten cold or toasted.
If you violate these rules, what you have is a roll with stuff in or on it, not a bagel.
Breakfast Edict for the day
Everyone should be actively encouraged to eat a daily breakfast.
To facilitate this, canteens will be set up where people can get a cheap nutritional breakfast. This could be a sitdown meal, or a takeaway (sandwich or similar). Options will include local traditional cooked items, meat, fish, vegetarian and vegan; cold meats / fish / cheeses, especially in summer; local traditional starch items / breads; dairy i.e. yoghourt; fresh fruit; hot drinks; juice. (More about the politics of food sourcing later ...)
Canteens will be set up in communities, both where people live and where they work. So a large factory or industrial estate would have one, but so would a suburb. Schools and universities must have them, for staff and students. Hospital and other emergency service providers should have them open 24 hours a day. Initially all new canteens should be open from 6 am to 10 am, but may reduce their hours at a later date in line with local demand.
Propaganda will be used to encourage families to breakfast together, although this could be at a canteen near to home, in an adult workplace or at a child's place of education. Service provision costs would be heavily subsidised by high levels of ring-fenced taxation on diet foods, books and videos and foods with little or no nutritional value, and some more things I'm sure will occur to people. Canteens would be managed by professionally-trained caterers. Staff would come from the local industries supported by the service, on a rotating shift paid for at normal wages by the regular employer. This could be on a voluntary basis, as a long term secondment, or businesses could insist that all employees take turns. Each business will be assessed for the number of hours work it must supply, including training in basic food hygeine. Shifts would also be covered by those not in regular employment, freelancers, household managers, or those on benefits, with a minimum wage plus 50% payment made through the benefits system.
If a canteen proves popular, there is no reason why it should not stay open for lunches and evening meals.
Crossposted to food_minions Current Mood: quixotic
As Minion i/c Profile for This Community, I can add things to our list of interests - such as? Current Mood: creative
Paging minion i/c Breakfasts
I'm hoping today to formalise rules for fried potato products. I'm wondering if you have input on the hash brown question?